You've seen all of the glorious postings about why people love their MacBooks. Your friends and coworkers rave about their shiny new white, black, and aluminum-colored laptops.¹ Your current laptop or desktop computer is as slow as a green after a sandstorm and 10 inches of rain.² While you were traveling, you got a trojan virus on your Windows PC³, resulting in illegal money transfers from your bank account to unknown, modern-day, international bank robbers.⁴ You're depressed and find that buying something new, like an Apple MacBook, makes you feel better since you know that it helps the economy, promotes world trade, and supports all the cottage industries that rely on big business.⁵ It's always about the big picture with you. That's it. You've decided to buy a MacBook Pro.⁶ Where do you start? Well, genius,⁷ you could start by visiting your local Apple Store. Can't find one near you? Well, it sounds like it's time to plan a trip to the nearest city that has the honor of hosting one. Pick a place where you've always wanted to go...Quick, start planning a family vacation for Omaha! But hold on -- Apple has put together a nice page with all the details on where to buy a Mac.⁸ Don't overlook Apple's refurbished listings either. They're certified. Is there a bargain hunter lurking within you, just ready to take over, pounce on a deal, whack it with a club, dress it, skin it, quarter it, bring it back to your cave, and start posting about it on the Internet?⁹ If there is, you could always try eBay or Craigslist. However, you should know that I've been warned that there are lots of scheming, scamming, scumming¹⁰ people out there who may resemble unknown, modern-day, international bank robbers. Don't forget to check prices to see if anything's brewing. While you're at it, you may also want to buy a hard shell, mouse, keyboard, display, digital camera, printer, speakers, and an iPod. Giving your MacBook a nice happy home with lots of friendly peripherals¹¹ is worth the cost. Remember: you're all about saving the world economy and the big picture! At least, that's what you've told your spouse... Notes

1. That run hot and burn holes in their pants...laps and pockets!
2. Or as slow as service in a watering hole in the Outback. Or, if you prefer, the bush.
3. And how good is OS X virus protection? I don't know. I haven't read many good stories about anti-virus software on OS X.
4. Maybe they're more like thieves, since it's not along the lines of assault and robbery.
5. Feel free to add your own reasons. Apple would probably love to hear them.
6. You're a pro, not an amateur!
7. Pun not intended.
8. Why didn't I look there?!
9. No offense to all the gatherers out there. Gathering Macs could also work.
10. Scummy doesn't end with an ing!
11. Who greet each other in French and eat Nutella fondue.